It seems like this should be a case where LinkingTo should help you.
From Writing R Extensions:
* WRE 5.4 Registering native routines
A package that wishes to make use of header files in other packages
needs to declare them as a comma-separated list in the field
LinkingTo in the DESCRIPTION file. For example
Depends: link2, link3 LinkingTo: link2, link3
It should also `Depend' on those packages for they have to be
installed prior to this one, and loaded prior to this one (so the
path to their compiled code can be found).
This then arranges that the include directories in the installed
linked-to packages are added to the include paths for C and C++ code.